love them like Jesus

Typing this from my phone.

I don't have a whole lot to say right now. This past weekend has been a time of heartache for too many families. Three families in my hometown, and one more not too far from there. 

Please be in prayer for the Tellifero family, from West Monroe, LA. Even more specifically, you can pray for my friend Hope.  Hope lost her 13 year old little sister, Sarah Grace Tellifero,  in a tragic accident yesterday afternoon. I can not begin to understand the heartache and devastation. 

I've spent years trying to understand why, why, why tragedies take people we love from us so young.  I still don't know why. I don't have any apology for anyone. I don't understand. It isn't okay.  

My Aunt said this morning that yeah, sometimes God does give us things too big for us to handle. He does this so that we have to depend fully and completely on him. 

Hope, I love you.  

"You don't understand now what I am doing, but someday you will." John 13:7 

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." John 17:3 

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All of these things are gone forever." Revelation 21:4 

"Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, for I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light." Matthew 11:29 

"good people pass away; the godly often die before their time. But no one seems to care or wonder why. No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come. For those who follow godly paths will rest in peace when they die." Isaiah 57:1-2

My Dad, Lance Armstrong??

My dad has always been my voice of reason. He's played the role of a counselor,  comedian, Hitler (hahah), friend, but most importantly, a supporter. Whenever my teenage boyfriend broke my heart for the first time, Daddy was there telling me that "not all the shoes we like fit us." Whenever I was failing chemistry in high school, Dad recognized the way that I learn, and he showed me funny rap videos of the Periodic Table of Elements on you tube, and helped me to pass with all A. Whenever I got too high once, and realized that was NOT the life I wanted to live anymore, Dad was a parent, and he helped me to find the right direction again. Whenever I decided I wanted to move (all 500 times) spur of the moment to try life out somewhere else, Dad let me go. He has always given me his advice and his input, but still supported me no matter what decision I make. Why has he supported me and what I do? Because he believes in me. I'm not always sure why.

It's a lot easier to support something that you believe in. 

Not only does my Dad believe in me, but he also believes in helping other people around him. One particular cause that he believes in is Multiple Sclerosis research. Multiple Sclerosis is "an unpredictable, often disabling disease of the central nervous system that disrupts the flow of information within the brain, and between the brain and body." (National MS Society). Because this disease is basically the entire nervous system under attack, people with MS have problems like constant pain, numbness, tingling, blindness, and even paralysis. Not only do scientists have NO clue what causes this disease, they also haven't found a way to cure it. 

Now it's my turn to support my Dad and what he believes in, because I believe in him.  A couple of years ago, he decided he wanted to make a healthy change and get more active. Well low and behold, my pops has shocked me and turned into quite the cyclist. 

In a few months, my dad is participating in Bike MS: Bike to the Battlefield . This is a 150 mile bike ride through Mississippi put on by the National MS Society. This is not a race, soley a ride of bikers coming together for a cause.  The participants of the race each raise money which is then donated to the National MS Society. The money raised helps in multiple sclerosis research efforts, so that no other person should have to suffer from this terrible disease.  And my Dad needs supporters. Just like we need people to believe in us, he needs people to  believe in him! 

Please click on the attached link to view his biker profile, and help him to reach his goal in beating MS!! 

 ****    CLICK HERE    ****  to read more about what my dad is doing, and to learn how to support him and MS research efforts! 

Thank y'all so much in taking the time to read this. I know I have really not been on my A game in posting, but sometimes life just happens, you know? Update on my life: it's still confusing, and I'm still searching for answers, and I still don't necessarily like a lot of the changes that are happening. ...but then again what other almost 23 year old doesn't feel that way. One step at a time. One change at a time. One day at a time. One goal at a time. I haven't had a soda in 19 days, and have been off of fb, insta, pinterest, and vine for 9 days. It's definitely weird sometimes that I no longer have 24/7 access to every detail of my friends lives... but a good weird? No offense but I am realizing that I actually do not care what you guys do every waking second....and I'm sure my insta followers have been thankful for a break from me... hah. Isn't it kind of creepy though, to think of the way we have total access to everyones lives ALL THE TIME? Anyway. I have to go be productive. Support MS research and donate on my Daddy's page! Remember your worth. Remember you're not alone, and sometimes, yes, life does just totally suck. Tough it out. It will get better if we work for it. 

Much peace and love to you all.
 Emily 

(p.s.- Mom,if you're reading this, I think you're awesome too) 

August 12, 2014

I had my wisdom teeth out today. I can't adequately express the level of non fun that today has been.

Watch this video: 
http://www.iamsecond.com/seconds/ryan-ries/

seriously loving the I am Second movement

So much peace and love - emily

Jeremy Camp: Talking

Two posts in one day..whaaaaat? I have been searching for a link to a video or something of something that I found on Pandora. It's not a song... just Jeremy Camp, and he is talking. I wanted to post a clip of it BUT I cant find one anywhere... so here is typed out everything that he says. I just love it so much I wanted other people to see it ( really hear it, but whatever) 

 

So Jeremy Camp (he's pretty okay btw), he said all of this. 

 Lyrics to "Talking"- by Jeremy Camp

^ That's a link you can click to take you to the site I found (finally) the lyrics on. 

"There's a Scripture that I love because it, it shows me how much God loves me in spite of who I am, and We were talking about it today, we were doing a Bible study, and we were talking about it
It's in John -- and it says that God demonstrates His own love to us, that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us So that means, you guys, He knows everything about you; He knows everything about me, and He still loves us, you know? And He still gave everything for us. And I think it's one of those things where God, lately in my heart I'm just like, "Lord, please. I'm tired of myself, I'm tired of so many times trying to build up the little kingdoms that I have here."
And, and it's been a conviction in my heart Because, the thing is, it's so easy because we live here in this earth. There's a Scripture that says Set your mind on things above, not on the things of this earth.
Why? Because this is not our home. And, you see, the thing is, is that We are not here at all, at all, to build our kingdoms We are here solely for the purpose of building the kingdom of God, you guys. That's it. That's it. And until we let go and release the things of this world that, that pull so often
Man, I just want to, you see,
He's my King, He's my King. And as Him being my King, and me being His servant, us being His servants
I just want to truly say, "Lord, I want to do whatever You want me to do. Surrender my all unto You."
Guys, I, I, mentioned, I look at what is going on, and I was talking about it earlier, and
My heart, like never before has been urgent, has been desperate for this generation
You guys, there is so many distractions that's going on
And I know because I get caught up in that, 
And it's funny -- we have so many things that keep us busy, and I laugh because, you know, I have an iPhone, and I love my iPhone, you know, and uh, if there is ten minutes of dead time
I'm like, "Let me see what the next app that I can maybe download, you know. And it's just like whenever we can or somebody I can text for a second
And those things aren't bad
It's just that there's a lot of distractions
Almost numbing us to the fact that we are in desperate need, in desperate need of a Savior
Because we have filled ourselves up with so many things here in this earth
There's a generation out there, there are people out there that are hurting; that are broken.
You guys, I was writing for this record, and I said, "God, give me something that You want me to share, I don't want it to be of myself at all." I was on my face, and just weeping And God would just take back to the basics of our Christianity. You see, how often do we really go out, and we go out and serve people, whether it be going to the hospital, or going wherever,going to your next door neighbor and saying, "Can I mow your lawn, just for free. I just want to serve you. Why? God loves you." 

I mean I'm making little examples here
But the point is, is that we're called to reach out, each and every one of us
Matthew 5 says you are the light of the world, let your light shine among men that they may glorify your Father in heaven. And you guys, there's so many people that, that maybe speak the truth, too
And this song is called "Louder Than Before" And we all know that actions speak louder than words, we know that. When you're serving someone, when you're loving someone, showing them Christ, it speaks volumes. There's those who speak truth, but there's no love, and no one wants to hear it
And there's those that quote unquote love, but they're afraid to offend someone, so they won't speak the truth. You guys, the truth will set you free, and you shall be free indeed
You guys, we have been given the gift of eternal life
You see, I want to encourage you, but it begins with love.

1 Corinthians 13, what does it say?
It says, "We can speak of the tongue of men and of angels, but have not love, it's a resounding gong or a clanging symbol. We can even remove mountains, do all these great things, but if we have not love, we're nothing. If I'm on stage here tonight and I'm not on my face before the Lord, I'm not loving you guys. Shame on me. God's been convicting me I've been on my face, just saying, "Lord, I don't want this to be about me at all"You guys, read your Bibles, read your Bibles. This is not just our Christian duty
This is the Word of God
Hebrews 4, it says its living and its active. I mean it's doing, doing something in our hearts
And I want to encourage you, before you want to see God do those things through you, 'cause He's gonna use each and every one of you. You don't have to be on stage here. We can pour out to one another and reach this nation and all these 18,000 plus people here in this city, in the surrounding areas, and show the love of Jesus Christ, and serve, and speak the truth.
You guys, things can happen.
Our moment is now. We have one shot
Surrender all, surrender all
Before He can work through You, He has to work in You
Fall more in love with Jesus
So you can tell the world 
More and more about your Savior, and how He is."

SO BEAUTIFUL.

One Month

If you read my last post, then you know that I am working on "being still." I am learning to spend time reconnecting with The Creator of the universe. 

( That's pretty cool to think about... Who am I that THE CREATOR OF THE FREAKING UNIVERSE WOULD CARE TO KNOW MY NAME?)

As I have tried to focus my down time on acknowledging what God has done and is doing in my life, I have had this desperate also dramatic realization: There aren't enough hours in the day! I don't have time. I don't have enough time to do all of the things that I want and need to do. 

I have to eliminate some things from my life so that I can fully take advantage of the time that I have been given. Unfortunately, the thing that I have spent too many YEARS pushing to the side has been the one thing that I am created to need so desperately. I put my Bible on a shelf (haven't we all done this? How many people can actually get up and locate their Bible, and be back to the computer screen in a minute? When was the last time you really dove into the Word? How long has it been since you prayed for God to reveal something to you, specific to your life, from his Living Word?)  I haven't spent too much time alone and worshipping God, because, well, because I am human. I make excuses so that I can spend time doing what I want to do. I don't spend nearly as much time focusing on God alone, because I busy myself with a lot of things that actually don't matter. I have always thought the excuse of  " well God, you know my heart so you understand why I couldn't focus on you today". I'm not going to bash myself too incredibly hard though, because I have made a solid effort to reconnect with God, I just think that I could do even better. 

I know I can. 

Here's how:
Take a look at my average day. 
(Okay- so I don't wake up at 6 very often (HAH), but I am trying to train my body and did actually do that most days this week.)
6 am. all six of my alarm clocks go off. I grab my phone to silence one of them. Oh, I have my phone now. Are those 4 new messages that I see? I think so. Let me check those. Oh, one is from this person. That reminds me, I think they are in town for the week, let me check Facebook real quick to see. But first, seven people followed me on instagram. Did I make the favorites page? Wahooooo. 
pause
1 hour later
Ugh I am so tired I guess I'll get up maybe. 
1 hour later
8 am- do a quick devotion and make a half assed to do list. 
9 am- shower then spend the next 6 hours halfway doing the things on my to do list
4- 10 or 11pm- work
11pm-3 am- lay in bed refreshing every news feed 7 thousand times. think about the next day. think about how tired I am
sleep.
repeat

Am I being good at managing my time? I think NAHHHHT. It doesn't take an idiot to see that. I probably spend three solid hours of my day refreshing news feeds. THREE HOURS. Three hours that I could be spending in reverence of an Almighty God. Three hours that I could be praying and worshipping the One who saved my soul! Three hours that I could be spending searching deeper and deeper into His Word for my identity. Three hours. That is a lot of time. 

Jesus, wreck me over this. Seriously, that is sickening. I absolutely DO have time to get done the things that I WANT and need to get done- including spending intimate alone time with the lover of my soul. We make time for the things that we want to make time for; we do the things that we want to do. That is no new news to anyone. 

I have decided that the best way for me to reconnect with God, gain a more clear insight into His plan for my life, and to express my love for Him through worship, is through a disconnect. I'm not even going to lie; this is not going to be fun or easy, but it is definitely necessary.  A fast. 

First things first, let me remind you that I am not a Bible scholar. I don't know all of the answers. I don't really know what a lot of the things in the Bible mean, but I try my hardest to figure it out, and how it all applys to my life. 

Second, in researching about fasting, I found this verse: 
Matthew 6:16-18 " And when you fast, don't make it obvious, as hypocrites do, for they try to look miserable and disheveled so that people will admire them for their fasting. I tell you the truth, that is the only reward they will ever get. But when you fast, comb your hair and wash your face. Then no one will notice that you are fasting. Except for your Father, who knows what you do in private. And your Father, who sees everything, will reward you." 

I was kind of torn over this verse; however, I prayed and prayed, and I feel a real peace in my heart now. The reason I was torn, is because I wanted to post about my decision. I wanted to write this. But this verse kind of made me feel like maybe I shouldn't tell anybody? Thankfully, I had more insight into this verse this morning. In it, Jesus isn't condemning fasting. He is hating hypocrisy. He does not want us to try to impress people with our "holiness." The great thing is, I think that anybody reading this can really know that THAT is NOT my intention whatsoever. I am a sinner. I am filthy. I am not "holier" than ANYONE. He doesn't want me to fast for the selfish desire of praise; but instead for the right reason, to further my relationship with Him. 
That is exactly what I am doing. I think it is really cool to read about how fasting has impacted peoples lives, and if God can use this part of my journey to encourage someone else, I am absolutely going to be real about everything. 

Fasting. 
Merriam Webster dictionary defines fasting as eating no food for a period of time. Urban dictionary says that fasting is a clean way of detoxing the body of unwanted stuff. About.com says that to fast is to abstain from food while focusing on prayer, and that it requires much self- control and discipline. 

For the next month- Until September 10,2014-  I am going on a social media fast ( y'all thought I was going to say some food LOL FALSE ..fortunately I have learned to be healthy, and food does not consume my time and thoughts the way that social media does. It is actually quite disgusting). I am signing off of Facebook, pinterest, instagram, vine, and twitter for one month. This month, during the time that  I would be spending connected to the world, I am going to connect to Him. I'm using the times that I would be trolling and unproductive to instead get lost in worship. I'm learning to surrender to his will and searching for His answers to my life. I'm not going to find his answers by going through my insta feed or facebook feed. I can only find them by searching His word for them, and by being really and truly quiet and still so that I may hear him more. I'm putting aside my "idols" ( idolatry- immoderate attachment or devotion to something) so that I can grow in Christ. It sounds really petty for me to say that this isn't going to be easy, but... this isn't going to be easy. 

I'm trying to make putting God first a habit... kind of like drinking water. If every time I wanted a Diet Coke , I chose to drink water instead... eventually I would quit drinking Diet Coke because I would no longer want it. I would begin to want what is healthy for me. Diet Coke would no longer taste good to me. Im praying that after a month of no social media use, that the things of this world would appear less attractive. That I will begin to see things for the naked truth- the way that God sees them. Instead of getting lost in looking at all of the facades that people put on, I want to learn to see the people I follow for who they are: broken, hurting, sinners. Desperate for a Savior. Instead of looking at where the Kardashians last went on vacation, or planning my wedding on pinterest, I want to spend that time praying to God about where it is that He wants me to serve him. For him to show me exactly how it is that He wants me to serve Him. I want to be in prayer for my future...for my future family and my future husband. I want to make myself available to God so that He can work in me in a way that makes me learn to appreciate heartbreak - because I know that it is His way of protecting my heart for Him, and for my husband. I want Him to help me to see more clearly what He has planned for me, and for me to be willing to do whatever it may take to put that plan into action. I want to allow Him to be so present in my life, that compromise is no longer a hard choice. I want a lot of things.... and the only way to find them is by knowing Him more. 

SO here I am Lord... disconnecting. 

Please be in prayer for me as I disconnect for a little bit and continue to learn to make good use of my time. Placing my relationship with God first in my life is not an option. It is a priority. Being still is not asked, it is demanded. Pray that I can learn to use every hour of the day (there are enough, by the way) to honor God. 

While I am doing this, I am also praying for you. For my generation, and our parents. For our children. For all of the people of this world. I really believe that my generation is THE generation that can make a difference. We hear the quiet voice. We have seen God's hand all over the world through all of the crazy, crazy things that have been happening. We know the truth... it is up to US to be fishers of men. It is up to us to go into the world, saving our brothers and sisters. It us up to us to allow ourselves to be used. To be soldiers in an army that is battling in an intense war against what the world wants us to believe. We can be the change, if we are willing. We can abandon our hearts, for His heart.  

Please know how loved you are. There is a God out there who is dying for you to be passionate about Him.                                                             

    You have an intense purpose. You are so loved.

Thanks for reading my thoughts and following my journey. It still trips me out that there are people out there that find meaning in what I say. I hope that y'all can see God's promise spoken in every single word. Since I'm disconnecting from twitter, facebook, and insta for the month, I won't be able to share every time I make a new post.... SO I am trusting in God here that if he wants to use me, that he is going to. Theres a share button at the bottom of every post so you can share this to your feed if your little heart so desires..also on the side of this page under the about me and post archives, theres a box where you can subscribe to my posts via email. So every time I post , that post goes to your inbox.  I never see your email address I don't think.. it's just one of those thing that the internet just magically does for itself haha. I don't question technology..whoops I probably should.

You are so loved.

So much Peace. Emily

Be Still

I'm not going to even try to pretend like this post has any rhyme or reason; it doesn't. Maybe I'm only writing right now to keep me from being bored? Maybe I'm only writing to discover a resolution or feel a sense of accomplishment? Getting lost in my thoughts and putting myself out there always helps me to see my life in a different light...almost like an outsider. Writing not only helps me to expose and work through my own problems in a way that I can see and make sense of; but, it also makes me feel better- more accomplished. Sometimes, I find it easier to write to a known audience... to write directly to someone. This time though, it makes more sense for me to write in a chaotic and unbound way, with no reservations, like I am writing in a journal.
 I told somebody recently that I quit writing because I quit having interesting or cool thoughts. She quickly pointed out to me that I don't need to have "cool thoughts" to write. So, I am writing this to sort out junk and to overcome some writer's block. I apologize in advance for any confusion this may cause- I know it will. I can hardly follow my thoughts for myself sometimes. 

Here goes nothing. 

"Be still, My Child."  It's like everywhere I turn, everywhere I go, I am reading that or hearing that. God? Is that you, homie? I know it is... it isn't any coincidence. 

The past month has been a whirlwind.. a rollercoaster absolutely. I know, God; I know that you're telling me to be still. To rest. But, it's like.... I don't know. I just cant. Avoiding rest is so much easier. Rest= being alone. I was beginning to fall in love with my alone time, with the time that I spent in reflection each day. What happened?  Why is it now that right when I feel like everything is starting to make sense- to click- that everything just kind of falls apart? Not like, in a super dramatic house cave in kind of way.. but in a  way thats like.. I don't know. It's like, a month ago, I just KNEW,  that I knew, that I knew, that I was living in God's will. I didn't know exactly what it was that I was set out to do, but I definitely had some clear goals, wants, dreams, stuff like that. And slowly when I wasn't looking, someone started erasing them one at a time. I still have dreams, and wants, and goals. I do. I just need to remind myself of what they are. I am resourceful. I can do anything that I set my mind to, and work at. I still feel God's calling on my heart to serve others, and to be where I am right now. But what now? I do know that I like to feel like I am making the important people in my life proud. And while it's hard for me to even tell myself exactly what it is that I want to be doing with my life, it is even more disappointing to tell that to someone else- especially someone who's opinion I value greatly.  This is where I get flustered. I know that that voice, the one that is calling me a disappointment and a failure, that voice doesn't come from any Holy or true place. That is Satan. His aim is to destroy me. This is when I must learn to be still. 

There is nothing wrong with being still. The sea is still sometimes, yet it is still provides life to thousands of different lifeforms and can cause damage beyond all belief when it brings its fury. The sea is a force to be reckoned with, yet it remains still at times- a peaceful place. 

What is still? I can be still for a whole lot of hours. For days even. I can be really still...but I always end up feeling like I just wasted all of that time. I think I have always written that off as me being "still" anyways. 

That's not still. When God tells me to be still, maybe he is  telling me it is time to be reverent to Him? Maybe, in my "still" time, God wants me to stand in awe of him... to focus my attention to HIS desires, not my own? How often do I really, really, sit back and admire all of his works? How often do I give PRAISE that I am even aware that I have a Father so in control, that He holds the universe in His hands? 

uh, a lightbulb just went off. Thank you Jesus. THIS is why I write. 

That's it!!!  God desires to spend time with me, to know me more and so that I may know Him and all of his desires - his will- more.   He will reveal His will to me as I learn to live for Him, and Him alone. Nobody else matters, and my soul will NOT find rest until I make it a point to further my relationship- MY relationship- with Him. every.  single. day. 

You love me, Lord. You love me, and you DESIRE to see me grow. You DESIRE for me to continue to empty my life of all the junk, of all of the garbage, so that I will be filled with more of you. Empty me, so that I may be filled. You aren't going to give me another step, another chapter to my book, until I have completely overcome the last one. I can not move forward without you. You never went anywhere. I can say "Here I am, Lord, send me," all day long, but if I don't truly mean it, he isn't going to send me because he knows that I am not ready. 

He knows the deepest corners of my heart, and he still desires to know me, and for me to know Him more. That is just wonderful. Oh, what a love.  

If I was dating someone, I would spend time with him, would I not? My heart would desire that. I would want to know everything about him, so that our relationship would be as strong as it could possibly be.

Life gets confusing when I don't make my relationship with God a priority, because I was designed to need His love and guidance; those things that I can only see or feel clearly by being still, alone, and spending time in His presence.

Everlasting. Unchanging. Steadfast. Non- judgemental. Sacred. Holy, Holy, Holy. 

Where has my mind been, to think things could possibly make sense without Him. 

This I have come to know, the Devil is the author of distraction. He didn't want me to realize any of the truths that I spent the past hour searching to be reminded of.  He loved the pattern of avoidance that I had fallen into. He did not want to see me make sense of things... to see me remember what it truly means to be still... So he made the actually ugly things very beautiful,  and the very clear things seem very confusing. That erasing that happened, he did  it. 

next subject.

desires.
Here's the thing. A few months ago, God told me to give up the desires of the world. By that, he meant to give up the desires of mankind- of flesh- and to dwell on only what is Holy and right. He did not ask me one day, " Hey Emily, care to quit letting that dude be the source of your self worth?" That is not what happened. He told me to RUN to him; to give up the battle against flesh, and to NOT EVEN compromise, because He has already overcome the world and He knows my plan!! To not even compromise. Because HE desires my heart, and He knows the greater plan! He told me to lay something down, so who am I to say it is okay to pick it back up again?? I cant see in the future, but he can. With that being said.... let me get even more personal. 

This summer ( really beginning very slowly the beginning of the year)  I have worked high and low to make a 180 away from the person that I used to be. And I have made compromises. I have sold myself short time and time again. But, I went away. I came face to face with my convictions and have taken BABY steps- praise the LORD there are at least steps- away from a life full of selfish desires. I have prayed and prayed and prayed for the strength and the courage to take a BOLD stand for what I believe in. 
I have prayed even more for God to give me the wisdom to be able to present myself humbly towards people as am example of God's incredible grace and love. For my heart to be forgiven and strengthened so that I can truly forgive people who have hurt me. I have asked God day in and day out to make my life a living testimony; to make me an encouragement, not a stumbling stone... for the courage to truly be an open book and not afraid of the persecution that may come along with standing up for my faith. For me to be unwilling to compromise (Though none go with me, I still will follow. No turning back, no turning back). 

Yeah, I've gotten pretty distracted. I forgot how to be still. I quit paying attention to a God who demands attention. There have absolutely been times that I have thought those prayers and turned right around and screwed up. There have been times when my prayers have been nothing greater than a few empty words. But, light always rules over darkness. While half of my prayers were said in a voice so incredibly distant from God, he heard every single one of them.

And he listened. I know, because I almost forgot about "no turning back." Let't make this clear: no=no. No=none at all. no-no=yes. yes=compromise. okay so that last part may be a little extra ya heard but I think I made my point clear. Capiche? God didn't say it was okay for me to compromise whenever I felt it was convenient for me. He said no compromise. What if your car maker decided it would be okay to compromise in the building of your brand new car... and only put half an engine in. Houston, we would have a problem. Things that are only halfway done are generally not done right.
 Anyway... I was confronted with a situation this summer. One in which I did make my intentions clear. I stood my ground once, so the battle had to have been done, right? Everybody understood and would never pressure me, correct? Wrong. False. Nope. And remember when I said that Satan makes even ugly pictures seem beautiful, so that they may cause us to fall? Well, let me tell you what, this situation was gorgeous. Every bit of it. Win win situation. Except, that particular situation, God told me to lay it down. I laid it down, but I didn't leave it alone. I danced around it, and continually poured gasoline way too close to an already lit fire, so to speak. But God, I'm still standing my ground, this has to be okay. He reminded me that he didn't only tell me to lay down my desires, but he also told me to turn from them. I knew that, but I kept standing there. Then, somebody literally told me they could no longer maintain a relationship with me unless I was willing to compromise. That what I felt like my lines were, were a little too much, and that regardless of the way God had worked and is working in my life, that those lines were too much for them. And my heart was broken. Why? Because it had to be broken. Why? Because God's desire is for me  to be sensitive to what breaks his heart. I can not love both sin and God.  I can not be both a slave to the world and a servant of The King.

Talk about a crazy lesson on compromise. I am learning to be okay with things like this happening. I can see that it is God's way of protecting my heart. Nobody deserves an explanation... if somebody continues to insist on your compromising in any area of your life that you have turned away from, let them walk out of your life as smoothly as they walked in. Please, please don't let their words hurt you. Who is the source of your worth, of your strength, of your future? Who genuinely cares for your wellbeing and even knows the exact number of hairs on your head? Please, do not compromise. You are worth so much more.  

I am so thankful that even when I forget to be still, that God doesn't forget about me. He reminds me of my prayer, and he gives me strength when it would be easier and more fun to be weak. He comforts me when I am hurt, and freely gives me grace even when I break his heart. Help me, God, to stay motivated  to search for and live to my fullest potential on this adventure of freedom. It't too easy to get caught up day to day, and to dream of the finish line, but avoid the race because it may seem overwhelming. Help me to not be a person that avoids situations, but instead handles them with your full control and guidance. Help me to not lose sight. 



Proverbs 3:21-24 " My child, don't lose sight of good planning and insight. Hang on to them,  for they fill you with life and bring you honor and respect. They keep you safe on your way and keep your feet from stumbling.  You can lie down without fear and enjoy pleasant dreams."

Psalms 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world."

1 John 4:10 “In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us.”

Galatians 5:25 "But if we live in the spirit, let us also walk in the spirit." 

Psalm 63:3  "Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how i praise you."

James 4:10 "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up."

Romans 12:12  "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer."

Galatians 6:9 "Let us not grow weary of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up."

James 5:7-8  "Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near."

Hebrews 10:26  "For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins"

Matthew 6:24 " No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."

2 Timothy 2:4 "No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him."

Hebrews 12:1-4 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up.  After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin."

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."


I wrote this tonight with zero goals in mind, other than trying to check something off a to- do list. If you have read this far, 1. you may be loony tunes if you succeeded in following my thought trails haha and 2. thank you. I was not expecting to have any type of revelation whatsoever but through thinking everything out and writing tonight,  I see positive changes I can make and have made this far. I was reminded tonight how to be still,  and encouraged that while staying true to myself and my faith may not be easy or what the world considers fun, that it is pleasing to God...and THAT is ALL that matters. I came off a bit on the Debbie Downer side in the early part of this post. Honestly, that is because Debbie Downer was the way I was feeling. I wasn't feeling thankful. Even though it's kind of embarrassing to reflect on and read, that's what I was feeling so that's how I wrote. I am so glad I did, because reading the way my tone changes from beginning to end just confirms the way that being alone in the presence of God for just a little while can make my heart be filled with joy. 

       Thank you, God, for breathing new life into things. 

You are more loved than you will ever know; and you are never, ever alone. Everybody has bad days every now and then. Everybody screws up and is guilty of being a hypocrite. It is never too late to get your heart right. Trust me, the freedom you gain is so much greater than anything else there is to lose.

                                   I love you all, so dearly. So much peace. Emily.

The 3 F's

2 Corinthians 2:9-10  "My grace is all you need, my power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weakness so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong."  

I'm sitting outside, talking to God and writing this. There is no other place I feel more intensely close to my God of creation and grace.  I wish I could, for a minute, bring all of you to my front porch. It's cool- well, cold to me hah, Mississippi summers don't play so this 65 degree Tennessee July is confusing me- the wind is blowing, the trees are all blooming pretty flowers, and the birds are singing. The earths music is my favorite music.  This is peace. 

I think right now I'm so focused on where I find my perfect peace, because today I woke up and life was really LOUD. I have come to realize that the struggle bus is going to be waiting outside every single day; however, it is my choice if I am going to let it take me for a ride or not. Today, I am choosing joy. This life is far to great, and really too long, to spend unhappy. I am not ABOUT to wake up every day being pissy when I could live to be 112 for all I know...being a brat every day would be no fun at all. 

I know that it makes a lot of sense to be mad about everything that everybody does to you, or says about you. And it is really easy to write off the people that hurt you and then never have to deal with them again. I know it would be socially acceptable to call out the person that hurt you and publicly humiliate them- whether it be through a facebook post or a tweet...indirectly or subtweet..whatever. Unfortunately we live in a day and age where anything goes, making it all to easy to hurt people back. 

What about restoring relationships? Whatever happened to forgiving people anyway? 

You know, we do some pretty awful stuff and say some pretty terrible things, but God always always always forgives us anyway. How do we restore what has been broken? How do we put peace back into the loud, loud world when it would be easier to hold on to anger? My high school Bible teacher told me to remember the 3 F's. Face it, Forgive it, and Forget about it. And then you will find peace. 

Matthew 18:15 says this " If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense...." 

SO there is that. Don't put someone on  blast for hurting you. Don't make it your job to personally hurt them, for hurting you. Because that ladies and gentlemen creates a cycle of repeating the same act and having no change in outcome over and over again- aka insanity. Yeah, it sucks, but if you are hurt by someone, take it to the cross, and then take it to them. Work it out with God, then work it out between each other. 

But then what? What do we do then?? What do we do when things don't get worked out? What do you do when you tried to be the bigger person but that person kept being a real jerk bag? 

The Bible tells is in Matthew 18:22 to forgive them. And forgive them again. And to forgive them some more. And to still keep forgiving them anyway. That's some tough stuff right there. Because let me tell you what, I do NOT want to forgive that girl that said those things about me. I do NOT want to forgive that boy for breaking my heart. I don't. I don't want to let it go. I don't. But what sense does it make to let a wound fester when it could have been healed long ago? It doesn't make sense. Forgive them. 

A lot of times I think God has got to be certified looney tunes for expecting that of me... and that these people that wrote in the Bible clearly never struggled with my same issues considering how well they are able to tell me to do something.. but once again I make God laugh. Peter had  to ask God what to do.. he said Hey Jesus..hey God. How many times do I have to forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?? ( I have that same thought sometimes, like LORD let me be done forgiving them aleready GEEZ) "No, not seven times," Jesus replied, "but seventy times seven!"

Wow holy moly okay. Never stop forgiving. Don't hold on to that hurt, to the bitterness.

How can we ask God to do something for us, if we aren't even willing to show that same thing to another person? 

Finally, forget about it. 

Philippians 3:13 "No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. "

Ephesians 4:31-32 "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." 

Isaiah 43:25 " I will blot out your sins for my own sake and I will never think of them again." 

Romans 8:1 "So there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." 

Don't let what someone has done to you keep you from moving forward in life. Holding on to anger and continually bringing it up does nothing to bring YOU, or anyone else peace.  Think of the 3 F's as a little road map. Once you have gone through stop one of facing the problem, and step two of forgiving the person who hurt you, you're on the road to forgetting. If you keep bringing up the problem, you need to turn around and forgive that person one more time. or seven more times. And then... 

"LET IT GOOOOO"- frozen

Finding peace in a loud world is hard. If it isn't hard, then I don't think you are human. Do yourself a favor by turning off the drama and giving other people grace.  Don't get on the struggle bus.

I was going to keep on focusing on body image, and self- worth, but honestly, this is so much more relevant to me today. This is what God put on my heart for me to see, for me to learn, and I really hope and pray that at least one person can learn with me.  God is such a great big God of grace and forgiveness and peace. Don't hold on to hurt when freedom and peace are so close. Pray for me this week as I keep learning love and grace, and how to forgive. 

Mirror Mirror (part two)

Y'all. So I got this new job serving. And it is great and all, EXCEPT I get a free meal every day. And my uniform shirt, it is not a size XXL mens Tee like I'm used to wearing. Seriously, I look like I have eaten a horse and need to go on a cleanse and starve myself before I can be seen in a swimsuit. 

Body image. This is something that I can not write about with ease about...  It is really hard to be transparent about issues that I struggle with daily, so bear with me. 

That opening paragraph, about my new job, and eating, and starving and stuff. I didn't just get artsy fartsy and make that up to get your attention. I have said those exact words probably fifteen times this week. First things first, I don't actually think that I look giant from this job, and I am NOT going to starve myself. Y'all know I like my food. I am just so used to being MEAN to myself, to talking down to myself, that it is just natural instinct to continue to do it. A habit. A bad, bad habit. A habit that God has been convicting me of lately. 

I am making it my new habit to wake up in the morning and surrender my image to Him. To wake up in the morning and speak truth over myself. Because I am beautiful. I am a daughter of the king, and he made me perfect in His sight.  I am making it my habit to treat my body ( a temple )  with respect....whether it be by my diet, or the way I talk to myself. I am learning to treat my body the way it deserves to be treated. 

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalms 139:14

"Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself." 1 Corinthians 6:19


So now that I have established the fact that I am going to treat my body with respect, it's fine that I said that stuff.. as long as I don't actually think it and don't actually starve myself, right? 
Wrong. 
Because for one, why would I even say it out loud if I wasn't actually thinking it, or if I wasn't really insecure about it? And for two, because my twelve year old cousin was in the room when I said it. 

Twelve years old. Do you guys remember what it was like to be twelve? Let's take a trip down memory lane for a moment. Awkward hair cuts. Cooties may not be real. Changing bodies. Acne. PUBERTY. Braces and crooked teeth. I have like no pictures of the twelfth year of my life because of the awkwardness of it all. 
Twelve years old.  Watching every move of the older people around me. Idolizing them. Mimicking them...every hairstyle, every fashion trend. Everything that the bigger, older, and more mature girls said and did, I had to say and do too. 

So let's breakdown that paragraph and see what I actually told my cousin through that one really mean thing I said to myself:

"So I got this new job serving. And it is great and all EXCEPT I get a free meal every day." 
I just told her that it's a problem to have free meals. That makes no sense. Last I checked, I should be thankful for free meals. I'm told her that there is something wrong with eating. I told a twelve year old that loves me, and is watching me, and learning from me, a twelve year old whose body is already undergoing enough changes as it is, that I don't think it's cool to eat. I told a twelve year old that the only bad part of my new job is that I get to eat. 

"....I look like I have eaten a horse and need to go on a cleanse and starve myself before I can be seen in a swimsuit." 
I just told a twelve year old that because I ate a meal- not anything crazy or unusual, just a normal meal- that I am ugly. That I'm fat. That I am too fat to be seen in a swimsuit ( I'm not fat or skinny by the way.. According to my Fitness pal I am dead on normal for my height and age.) I just told a twelve year old that the way to look good is to hop on the fad diet train and go on a cleanse... or if she doesn't feel like doing that, that she could always just starve herself. Who needs exercise and a healthy, balanced diet anyway when you can just puke a meal back up every now and then. 

WOW. I have a lot of damage control to do. Twelve years old. 

I can see it all very clearly now.. how badly the words we say to ourselves and the choices of things that we do can directly impact the lives of the people that are around us.  The amount of respect that we give to ourselves sends a message to the people watching us on the level of respect that they should give themselves. I am so broken over this. 

Little eyes are ALWAYS watching you. Maybe not just somebody younger even. You would be surprised how many older people have role models younger than them. It doesn't matter who you are, where you are, or what choices you are making, somebody is always going to be your mirror.

If you don't believe me, how many times have you set down at El Sombrero ( or anywhere) for dinner, and asked the person you're with what they're ordering before you order. That is you modeling your choices off of somebody elses influence. 

What message are you sending to others by the way that you treat yourself? Are we going to raise up a generation of kids that know how to treat their bodies like temples, and can respect the life that God gave them; or are we going to raise up a generation of kids with eating disorders and insecurities galore? A generation of little girls that depend on a mans compliments for worth. A generation of little boys that don't even know what real self respect is, because they have never seen a man model it for them. 

What kinds of habits are we instilling in the people around us? Think about that one for a minute. 

Titus 2 talks a lot about teaching 
" Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander each other or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach each other what is good. 4 These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, 5 to live wisely and be pure [...] 6 In the same way encourage young men to live wisely. 7 And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything that you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. 8 Teach the truth so that your teaching can't be criticized. Then those who oppose us will be ashamed and have nothing bad to say about us. [...] 11 For the grace of God has been revealed, bringing salvation to ALL people. 12 And we are instructed to turn from Godless living and sinful pleasures. We should live in this evil world with wisdom, righteousness, and devotion for God, 13 while we look forward with hope to that wonderful day when the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, will be revealed. 14 He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people, totally committed to doing good deeds. 
15 You must teach these things and encourage the believers to do them. You have the authority to correct them when necessary, so don't let anyone disregard what you say.


I have had this so heavy on my heart for a while now..and to be honest it really does suck to break it down and see how badly I have potentially hurt other people just by the way that I have hurt myself.  Please, please love yourself and realize your worth. Don't you want your daughter to see her worth, your son to see his worth? 

That is the exact same feeling God has for you. 

Thinking about it that way really puts things into perspective for me. I don't want to teach my cousin to hate her body. I don't want to teach her to be ashamed to eat. I don't want to teach her that starvation diets are okay, as long as she thinks in her head she is okay. They are not okay. That is never, ever, ever okay. And now that I know that is not okay for me to teach her that, what would ever make it okay for me to teach myself that? 


We have got to start treating ourselves better.. and holding ourselves to a higher standard. If not for ourselves, we need to do it for the generation that we are raising up. The generation that is so desperate for a change. 

I appreciate all of the feedback I have gotten, and the accountability that this blog gives me. Your encouragement helps me to continue to try my best to walk with strength and integrity down a road where doing the right thing is actually really hard sometimes... I appreciate you all more than I can put into words. 

I am praying for God to rock the lives of my friends, for them- and for all of you reading- to really see in a clear light how important it is to treat yourself in a way that shows other people around you how much you appreciate God's great love and His amazing grace he has given you.  You are so loved, more than you will ever know, by a God that died to know you. Much peach and love.

  

Also... reading back over this. I want to point out how thankful I am to have gone to the highschool that I went to with the administration that it had. The whole reason I even think of the term little eyes is because of a speech my headmaster gave to us on little eyes the first day of every school year. I am so incredibly grateful to him for teaching me that. 

Mirror Mirror ( part one )

Today I read an article about how my thighs aren't supposed to touch and I need to do everything possible to make sure that they don't touch. I also read an article that said I'm ugly if my thighs don't touch and that anybody who weighs under 130 lbs clearly has an eating disorder and/or  is on drugs. Oh, and yesterday I took a quiz online that said because I have tattoos I am destined to be a life of misery. And then I heard this song called 22 by Lily Allen that talks about this almost 30 year old who is so unhappy because all she wants in this life is a boyfriend and she doesn't have a boyfriend so clearly there is not a shot she will ever be happy because society said her life is over and blah blah blah. Basically she is getting her worth from what society says about her. And it says her life is over, so she's miserable. 

If that isn't seriously the dumbest thing... 

So now that I might have your attention before you decide that you're actually too sleepy to be reading this, let's evaluate:

How mad would it make you if you had a precious daughter, and somebody told her all of that? Your precious daughter, that was created especially for you. Your precious daughter that you see as flawless. Imagine somebody told your precious daughter that she was too thin. Too fat. Destined to be lonely. How badly would you want to punch whoever told her that. Wouldn't you want to shake her, and to pick her up, and look in her little precious face and tell her how everything that the world is saying is not true, that those are all lies, and tell her how much she is worth? 

Pause. 

Now. Think about these things for a second:

" See what great love the Father has given us, so that we should be 

called children of God, and so we are." 1 John 3:1

God calls me his daughter. Not just in the future, but now. I am his daughter. 

" For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10

The Bible straight up says that I am God's creation. So He loved me, He created me, and He calls me His daughter. 

" So God created Human Beings in His own image. In the image of God he created them.; male and female He created them." Genesis 1:27

Not only did God just create me, he created me in HIS very own image. He thinks I am marvelous! 

God is my father. He created me in HIS image, and I am precious to Him. 

Every day I am bombarded with the world telling me new standards of beauty and what it is to be beautiful. Every day I have the choice to buy into the lies of the world. 

Every day I have the choice to say " You know what God, sorry. You didn't quite cut it when you were making my thighs. I am not good enough. You didn't do a good job, sorry." 

OR 

I can choose everyday to buy into the freedom that tells me plain as day that I am a  marvelous creation, created by the One true King. That I am created in the image of Christ. That I am  fearfully and wonderfully made. 

Where am I going to find my worth today? What am I going to choose?

Trust me, I know how hard it is to take the mask off and be real with yourself and with God for a minute... but really think about that. 

I have the choice to tell God he didn't do quite a good enough job, or to praise Him for all of the things that make me unique. 

Imagine if your perfect precious child came home and told you you sucked because you did a bad job making her because her eyes are too big, or her feet look weird. 

That would not be cool. 

Think about what message you're sending God by the way that you treat yourself. 

I'm really super tired and it is really super hard to organize my thoughts when I am this super tired. And it is really not super cool to try to decipher unorganized thoughts....SO I am going to pick back up here this weekend. This topic is so so important to me, mainly because it really hits home. Self- worth issues were always a really huge struggle in my personal life and I want to use mine to help other people overcome their own. Today I was thinking about how we are created in His image and what message are we sending to God by the way we respect ourselves.  Tomorrow I want to lead more into something I like to think of as little eyes.. and what message we are sending about self respect to the little eyes around us. 

Much love and peace to you all.. even if I have no idea who you are. You are worth more than you will ever know, and loved more than you will ever know by a God who died to know you. 

 I have to go to sleep immediately.