love them like Jesus

Typing this from my phone.

I don't have a whole lot to say right now. This past weekend has been a time of heartache for too many families. Three families in my hometown, and one more not too far from there. 

Please be in prayer for the Tellifero family, from West Monroe, LA. Even more specifically, you can pray for my friend Hope.  Hope lost her 13 year old little sister, Sarah Grace Tellifero,  in a tragic accident yesterday afternoon. I can not begin to understand the heartache and devastation. 

I've spent years trying to understand why, why, why tragedies take people we love from us so young.  I still don't know why. I don't have any apology for anyone. I don't understand. It isn't okay.  

My Aunt said this morning that yeah, sometimes God does give us things too big for us to handle. He does this so that we have to depend fully and completely on him. 

Hope, I love you.  

"You don't understand now what I am doing, but someday you will." John 13:7 

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." John 17:3 

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All of these things are gone forever." Revelation 21:4 

"Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, for I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light." Matthew 11:29 

"good people pass away; the godly often die before their time. But no one seems to care or wonder why. No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come. For those who follow godly paths will rest in peace when they die." Isaiah 57:1-2

My Dad, Lance Armstrong??

My dad has always been my voice of reason. He's played the role of a counselor,  comedian, Hitler (hahah), friend, but most importantly, a supporter. Whenever my teenage boyfriend broke my heart for the first time, Daddy was there telling me that "not all the shoes we like fit us." Whenever I was failing chemistry in high school, Dad recognized the way that I learn, and he showed me funny rap videos of the Periodic Table of Elements on you tube, and helped me to pass with all A. Whenever I got too high once, and realized that was NOT the life I wanted to live anymore, Dad was a parent, and he helped me to find the right direction again. Whenever I decided I wanted to move (all 500 times) spur of the moment to try life out somewhere else, Dad let me go. He has always given me his advice and his input, but still supported me no matter what decision I make. Why has he supported me and what I do? Because he believes in me. I'm not always sure why.

It's a lot easier to support something that you believe in. 

Not only does my Dad believe in me, but he also believes in helping other people around him. One particular cause that he believes in is Multiple Sclerosis research. Multiple Sclerosis is "an unpredictable, often disabling disease of the central nervous system that disrupts the flow of information within the brain, and between the brain and body." (National MS Society). Because this disease is basically the entire nervous system under attack, people with MS have problems like constant pain, numbness, tingling, blindness, and even paralysis. Not only do scientists have NO clue what causes this disease, they also haven't found a way to cure it. 

Now it's my turn to support my Dad and what he believes in, because I believe in him.  A couple of years ago, he decided he wanted to make a healthy change and get more active. Well low and behold, my pops has shocked me and turned into quite the cyclist. 

In a few months, my dad is participating in Bike MS: Bike to the Battlefield . This is a 150 mile bike ride through Mississippi put on by the National MS Society. This is not a race, soley a ride of bikers coming together for a cause.  The participants of the race each raise money which is then donated to the National MS Society. The money raised helps in multiple sclerosis research efforts, so that no other person should have to suffer from this terrible disease.  And my Dad needs supporters. Just like we need people to believe in us, he needs people to  believe in him! 

Please click on the attached link to view his biker profile, and help him to reach his goal in beating MS!! 

 ****    CLICK HERE    ****  to read more about what my dad is doing, and to learn how to support him and MS research efforts! 

Thank y'all so much in taking the time to read this. I know I have really not been on my A game in posting, but sometimes life just happens, you know? Update on my life: it's still confusing, and I'm still searching for answers, and I still don't necessarily like a lot of the changes that are happening. ...but then again what other almost 23 year old doesn't feel that way. One step at a time. One change at a time. One day at a time. One goal at a time. I haven't had a soda in 19 days, and have been off of fb, insta, pinterest, and vine for 9 days. It's definitely weird sometimes that I no longer have 24/7 access to every detail of my friends lives... but a good weird? No offense but I am realizing that I actually do not care what you guys do every waking second....and I'm sure my insta followers have been thankful for a break from me... hah. Isn't it kind of creepy though, to think of the way we have total access to everyones lives ALL THE TIME? Anyway. I have to go be productive. Support MS research and donate on my Daddy's page! Remember your worth. Remember you're not alone, and sometimes, yes, life does just totally suck. Tough it out. It will get better if we work for it. 

Much peace and love to you all.
 Emily 

(p.s.- Mom,if you're reading this, I think you're awesome too) 

August 12, 2014

I had my wisdom teeth out today. I can't adequately express the level of non fun that today has been.

Watch this video: 
http://www.iamsecond.com/seconds/ryan-ries/

seriously loving the I am Second movement

So much peace and love - emily

Jeremy Camp: Talking

Two posts in one day..whaaaaat? I have been searching for a link to a video or something of something that I found on Pandora. It's not a song... just Jeremy Camp, and he is talking. I wanted to post a clip of it BUT I cant find one anywhere... so here is typed out everything that he says. I just love it so much I wanted other people to see it ( really hear it, but whatever) 

 

So Jeremy Camp (he's pretty okay btw), he said all of this. 

 Lyrics to "Talking"- by Jeremy Camp

^ That's a link you can click to take you to the site I found (finally) the lyrics on. 

"There's a Scripture that I love because it, it shows me how much God loves me in spite of who I am, and We were talking about it today, we were doing a Bible study, and we were talking about it
It's in John -- and it says that God demonstrates His own love to us, that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us So that means, you guys, He knows everything about you; He knows everything about me, and He still loves us, you know? And He still gave everything for us. And I think it's one of those things where God, lately in my heart I'm just like, "Lord, please. I'm tired of myself, I'm tired of so many times trying to build up the little kingdoms that I have here."
And, and it's been a conviction in my heart Because, the thing is, it's so easy because we live here in this earth. There's a Scripture that says Set your mind on things above, not on the things of this earth.
Why? Because this is not our home. And, you see, the thing is, is that We are not here at all, at all, to build our kingdoms We are here solely for the purpose of building the kingdom of God, you guys. That's it. That's it. And until we let go and release the things of this world that, that pull so often
Man, I just want to, you see,
He's my King, He's my King. And as Him being my King, and me being His servant, us being His servants
I just want to truly say, "Lord, I want to do whatever You want me to do. Surrender my all unto You."
Guys, I, I, mentioned, I look at what is going on, and I was talking about it earlier, and
My heart, like never before has been urgent, has been desperate for this generation
You guys, there is so many distractions that's going on
And I know because I get caught up in that, 
And it's funny -- we have so many things that keep us busy, and I laugh because, you know, I have an iPhone, and I love my iPhone, you know, and uh, if there is ten minutes of dead time
I'm like, "Let me see what the next app that I can maybe download, you know. And it's just like whenever we can or somebody I can text for a second
And those things aren't bad
It's just that there's a lot of distractions
Almost numbing us to the fact that we are in desperate need, in desperate need of a Savior
Because we have filled ourselves up with so many things here in this earth
There's a generation out there, there are people out there that are hurting; that are broken.
You guys, I was writing for this record, and I said, "God, give me something that You want me to share, I don't want it to be of myself at all." I was on my face, and just weeping And God would just take back to the basics of our Christianity. You see, how often do we really go out, and we go out and serve people, whether it be going to the hospital, or going wherever,going to your next door neighbor and saying, "Can I mow your lawn, just for free. I just want to serve you. Why? God loves you." 

I mean I'm making little examples here
But the point is, is that we're called to reach out, each and every one of us
Matthew 5 says you are the light of the world, let your light shine among men that they may glorify your Father in heaven. And you guys, there's so many people that, that maybe speak the truth, too
And this song is called "Louder Than Before" And we all know that actions speak louder than words, we know that. When you're serving someone, when you're loving someone, showing them Christ, it speaks volumes. There's those who speak truth, but there's no love, and no one wants to hear it
And there's those that quote unquote love, but they're afraid to offend someone, so they won't speak the truth. You guys, the truth will set you free, and you shall be free indeed
You guys, we have been given the gift of eternal life
You see, I want to encourage you, but it begins with love.

1 Corinthians 13, what does it say?
It says, "We can speak of the tongue of men and of angels, but have not love, it's a resounding gong or a clanging symbol. We can even remove mountains, do all these great things, but if we have not love, we're nothing. If I'm on stage here tonight and I'm not on my face before the Lord, I'm not loving you guys. Shame on me. God's been convicting me I've been on my face, just saying, "Lord, I don't want this to be about me at all"You guys, read your Bibles, read your Bibles. This is not just our Christian duty
This is the Word of God
Hebrews 4, it says its living and its active. I mean it's doing, doing something in our hearts
And I want to encourage you, before you want to see God do those things through you, 'cause He's gonna use each and every one of you. You don't have to be on stage here. We can pour out to one another and reach this nation and all these 18,000 plus people here in this city, in the surrounding areas, and show the love of Jesus Christ, and serve, and speak the truth.
You guys, things can happen.
Our moment is now. We have one shot
Surrender all, surrender all
Before He can work through You, He has to work in You
Fall more in love with Jesus
So you can tell the world 
More and more about your Savior, and how He is."

SO BEAUTIFUL.

One Month

If you read my last post, then you know that I am working on "being still." I am learning to spend time reconnecting with The Creator of the universe. 

( That's pretty cool to think about... Who am I that THE CREATOR OF THE FREAKING UNIVERSE WOULD CARE TO KNOW MY NAME?)

As I have tried to focus my down time on acknowledging what God has done and is doing in my life, I have had this desperate also dramatic realization: There aren't enough hours in the day! I don't have time. I don't have enough time to do all of the things that I want and need to do. 

I have to eliminate some things from my life so that I can fully take advantage of the time that I have been given. Unfortunately, the thing that I have spent too many YEARS pushing to the side has been the one thing that I am created to need so desperately. I put my Bible on a shelf (haven't we all done this? How many people can actually get up and locate their Bible, and be back to the computer screen in a minute? When was the last time you really dove into the Word? How long has it been since you prayed for God to reveal something to you, specific to your life, from his Living Word?)  I haven't spent too much time alone and worshipping God, because, well, because I am human. I make excuses so that I can spend time doing what I want to do. I don't spend nearly as much time focusing on God alone, because I busy myself with a lot of things that actually don't matter. I have always thought the excuse of  " well God, you know my heart so you understand why I couldn't focus on you today". I'm not going to bash myself too incredibly hard though, because I have made a solid effort to reconnect with God, I just think that I could do even better. 

I know I can. 

Here's how:
Take a look at my average day. 
(Okay- so I don't wake up at 6 very often (HAH), but I am trying to train my body and did actually do that most days this week.)
6 am. all six of my alarm clocks go off. I grab my phone to silence one of them. Oh, I have my phone now. Are those 4 new messages that I see? I think so. Let me check those. Oh, one is from this person. That reminds me, I think they are in town for the week, let me check Facebook real quick to see. But first, seven people followed me on instagram. Did I make the favorites page? Wahooooo. 
pause
1 hour later
Ugh I am so tired I guess I'll get up maybe. 
1 hour later
8 am- do a quick devotion and make a half assed to do list. 
9 am- shower then spend the next 6 hours halfway doing the things on my to do list
4- 10 or 11pm- work
11pm-3 am- lay in bed refreshing every news feed 7 thousand times. think about the next day. think about how tired I am
sleep.
repeat

Am I being good at managing my time? I think NAHHHHT. It doesn't take an idiot to see that. I probably spend three solid hours of my day refreshing news feeds. THREE HOURS. Three hours that I could be spending in reverence of an Almighty God. Three hours that I could be praying and worshipping the One who saved my soul! Three hours that I could be spending searching deeper and deeper into His Word for my identity. Three hours. That is a lot of time. 

Jesus, wreck me over this. Seriously, that is sickening. I absolutely DO have time to get done the things that I WANT and need to get done- including spending intimate alone time with the lover of my soul. We make time for the things that we want to make time for; we do the things that we want to do. That is no new news to anyone. 

I have decided that the best way for me to reconnect with God, gain a more clear insight into His plan for my life, and to express my love for Him through worship, is through a disconnect. I'm not even going to lie; this is not going to be fun or easy, but it is definitely necessary.  A fast. 

First things first, let me remind you that I am not a Bible scholar. I don't know all of the answers. I don't really know what a lot of the things in the Bible mean, but I try my hardest to figure it out, and how it all applys to my life. 

Second, in researching about fasting, I found this verse: 
Matthew 6:16-18 " And when you fast, don't make it obvious, as hypocrites do, for they try to look miserable and disheveled so that people will admire them for their fasting. I tell you the truth, that is the only reward they will ever get. But when you fast, comb your hair and wash your face. Then no one will notice that you are fasting. Except for your Father, who knows what you do in private. And your Father, who sees everything, will reward you." 

I was kind of torn over this verse; however, I prayed and prayed, and I feel a real peace in my heart now. The reason I was torn, is because I wanted to post about my decision. I wanted to write this. But this verse kind of made me feel like maybe I shouldn't tell anybody? Thankfully, I had more insight into this verse this morning. In it, Jesus isn't condemning fasting. He is hating hypocrisy. He does not want us to try to impress people with our "holiness." The great thing is, I think that anybody reading this can really know that THAT is NOT my intention whatsoever. I am a sinner. I am filthy. I am not "holier" than ANYONE. He doesn't want me to fast for the selfish desire of praise; but instead for the right reason, to further my relationship with Him. 
That is exactly what I am doing. I think it is really cool to read about how fasting has impacted peoples lives, and if God can use this part of my journey to encourage someone else, I am absolutely going to be real about everything. 

Fasting. 
Merriam Webster dictionary defines fasting as eating no food for a period of time. Urban dictionary says that fasting is a clean way of detoxing the body of unwanted stuff. About.com says that to fast is to abstain from food while focusing on prayer, and that it requires much self- control and discipline. 

For the next month- Until September 10,2014-  I am going on a social media fast ( y'all thought I was going to say some food LOL FALSE ..fortunately I have learned to be healthy, and food does not consume my time and thoughts the way that social media does. It is actually quite disgusting). I am signing off of Facebook, pinterest, instagram, vine, and twitter for one month. This month, during the time that  I would be spending connected to the world, I am going to connect to Him. I'm using the times that I would be trolling and unproductive to instead get lost in worship. I'm learning to surrender to his will and searching for His answers to my life. I'm not going to find his answers by going through my insta feed or facebook feed. I can only find them by searching His word for them, and by being really and truly quiet and still so that I may hear him more. I'm putting aside my "idols" ( idolatry- immoderate attachment or devotion to something) so that I can grow in Christ. It sounds really petty for me to say that this isn't going to be easy, but... this isn't going to be easy. 

I'm trying to make putting God first a habit... kind of like drinking water. If every time I wanted a Diet Coke , I chose to drink water instead... eventually I would quit drinking Diet Coke because I would no longer want it. I would begin to want what is healthy for me. Diet Coke would no longer taste good to me. Im praying that after a month of no social media use, that the things of this world would appear less attractive. That I will begin to see things for the naked truth- the way that God sees them. Instead of getting lost in looking at all of the facades that people put on, I want to learn to see the people I follow for who they are: broken, hurting, sinners. Desperate for a Savior. Instead of looking at where the Kardashians last went on vacation, or planning my wedding on pinterest, I want to spend that time praying to God about where it is that He wants me to serve him. For him to show me exactly how it is that He wants me to serve Him. I want to be in prayer for my future...for my future family and my future husband. I want to make myself available to God so that He can work in me in a way that makes me learn to appreciate heartbreak - because I know that it is His way of protecting my heart for Him, and for my husband. I want Him to help me to see more clearly what He has planned for me, and for me to be willing to do whatever it may take to put that plan into action. I want to allow Him to be so present in my life, that compromise is no longer a hard choice. I want a lot of things.... and the only way to find them is by knowing Him more. 

SO here I am Lord... disconnecting. 

Please be in prayer for me as I disconnect for a little bit and continue to learn to make good use of my time. Placing my relationship with God first in my life is not an option. It is a priority. Being still is not asked, it is demanded. Pray that I can learn to use every hour of the day (there are enough, by the way) to honor God. 

While I am doing this, I am also praying for you. For my generation, and our parents. For our children. For all of the people of this world. I really believe that my generation is THE generation that can make a difference. We hear the quiet voice. We have seen God's hand all over the world through all of the crazy, crazy things that have been happening. We know the truth... it is up to US to be fishers of men. It is up to us to go into the world, saving our brothers and sisters. It us up to us to allow ourselves to be used. To be soldiers in an army that is battling in an intense war against what the world wants us to believe. We can be the change, if we are willing. We can abandon our hearts, for His heart.  

Please know how loved you are. There is a God out there who is dying for you to be passionate about Him.                                                             

    You have an intense purpose. You are so loved.

Thanks for reading my thoughts and following my journey. It still trips me out that there are people out there that find meaning in what I say. I hope that y'all can see God's promise spoken in every single word. Since I'm disconnecting from twitter, facebook, and insta for the month, I won't be able to share every time I make a new post.... SO I am trusting in God here that if he wants to use me, that he is going to. Theres a share button at the bottom of every post so you can share this to your feed if your little heart so desires..also on the side of this page under the about me and post archives, theres a box where you can subscribe to my posts via email. So every time I post , that post goes to your inbox.  I never see your email address I don't think.. it's just one of those thing that the internet just magically does for itself haha. I don't question technology..whoops I probably should.

You are so loved.

So much Peace. Emily

Be Still

I'm not going to even try to pretend like this post has any rhyme or reason; it doesn't. Maybe I'm only writing right now to keep me from being bored? Maybe I'm only writing to discover a resolution or feel a sense of accomplishment? Getting lost in my thoughts and putting myself out there always helps me to see my life in a different light...almost like an outsider. Writing not only helps me to expose and work through my own problems in a way that I can see and make sense of; but, it also makes me feel better- more accomplished. Sometimes, I find it easier to write to a known audience... to write directly to someone. This time though, it makes more sense for me to write in a chaotic and unbound way, with no reservations, like I am writing in a journal.
 I told somebody recently that I quit writing because I quit having interesting or cool thoughts. She quickly pointed out to me that I don't need to have "cool thoughts" to write. So, I am writing this to sort out junk and to overcome some writer's block. I apologize in advance for any confusion this may cause- I know it will. I can hardly follow my thoughts for myself sometimes. 

Here goes nothing. 

"Be still, My Child."  It's like everywhere I turn, everywhere I go, I am reading that or hearing that. God? Is that you, homie? I know it is... it isn't any coincidence. 

The past month has been a whirlwind.. a rollercoaster absolutely. I know, God; I know that you're telling me to be still. To rest. But, it's like.... I don't know. I just cant. Avoiding rest is so much easier. Rest= being alone. I was beginning to fall in love with my alone time, with the time that I spent in reflection each day. What happened?  Why is it now that right when I feel like everything is starting to make sense- to click- that everything just kind of falls apart? Not like, in a super dramatic house cave in kind of way.. but in a  way thats like.. I don't know. It's like, a month ago, I just KNEW,  that I knew, that I knew, that I was living in God's will. I didn't know exactly what it was that I was set out to do, but I definitely had some clear goals, wants, dreams, stuff like that. And slowly when I wasn't looking, someone started erasing them one at a time. I still have dreams, and wants, and goals. I do. I just need to remind myself of what they are. I am resourceful. I can do anything that I set my mind to, and work at. I still feel God's calling on my heart to serve others, and to be where I am right now. But what now? I do know that I like to feel like I am making the important people in my life proud. And while it's hard for me to even tell myself exactly what it is that I want to be doing with my life, it is even more disappointing to tell that to someone else- especially someone who's opinion I value greatly.  This is where I get flustered. I know that that voice, the one that is calling me a disappointment and a failure, that voice doesn't come from any Holy or true place. That is Satan. His aim is to destroy me. This is when I must learn to be still. 

There is nothing wrong with being still. The sea is still sometimes, yet it is still provides life to thousands of different lifeforms and can cause damage beyond all belief when it brings its fury. The sea is a force to be reckoned with, yet it remains still at times- a peaceful place. 

What is still? I can be still for a whole lot of hours. For days even. I can be really still...but I always end up feeling like I just wasted all of that time. I think I have always written that off as me being "still" anyways. 

That's not still. When God tells me to be still, maybe he is  telling me it is time to be reverent to Him? Maybe, in my "still" time, God wants me to stand in awe of him... to focus my attention to HIS desires, not my own? How often do I really, really, sit back and admire all of his works? How often do I give PRAISE that I am even aware that I have a Father so in control, that He holds the universe in His hands? 

uh, a lightbulb just went off. Thank you Jesus. THIS is why I write. 

That's it!!!  God desires to spend time with me, to know me more and so that I may know Him and all of his desires - his will- more.   He will reveal His will to me as I learn to live for Him, and Him alone. Nobody else matters, and my soul will NOT find rest until I make it a point to further my relationship- MY relationship- with Him. every.  single. day. 

You love me, Lord. You love me, and you DESIRE to see me grow. You DESIRE for me to continue to empty my life of all the junk, of all of the garbage, so that I will be filled with more of you. Empty me, so that I may be filled. You aren't going to give me another step, another chapter to my book, until I have completely overcome the last one. I can not move forward without you. You never went anywhere. I can say "Here I am, Lord, send me," all day long, but if I don't truly mean it, he isn't going to send me because he knows that I am not ready. 

He knows the deepest corners of my heart, and he still desires to know me, and for me to know Him more. That is just wonderful. Oh, what a love.  

If I was dating someone, I would spend time with him, would I not? My heart would desire that. I would want to know everything about him, so that our relationship would be as strong as it could possibly be.

Life gets confusing when I don't make my relationship with God a priority, because I was designed to need His love and guidance; those things that I can only see or feel clearly by being still, alone, and spending time in His presence.

Everlasting. Unchanging. Steadfast. Non- judgemental. Sacred. Holy, Holy, Holy. 

Where has my mind been, to think things could possibly make sense without Him. 

This I have come to know, the Devil is the author of distraction. He didn't want me to realize any of the truths that I spent the past hour searching to be reminded of.  He loved the pattern of avoidance that I had fallen into. He did not want to see me make sense of things... to see me remember what it truly means to be still... So he made the actually ugly things very beautiful,  and the very clear things seem very confusing. That erasing that happened, he did  it. 

next subject.

desires.
Here's the thing. A few months ago, God told me to give up the desires of the world. By that, he meant to give up the desires of mankind- of flesh- and to dwell on only what is Holy and right. He did not ask me one day, " Hey Emily, care to quit letting that dude be the source of your self worth?" That is not what happened. He told me to RUN to him; to give up the battle against flesh, and to NOT EVEN compromise, because He has already overcome the world and He knows my plan!! To not even compromise. Because HE desires my heart, and He knows the greater plan! He told me to lay something down, so who am I to say it is okay to pick it back up again?? I cant see in the future, but he can. With that being said.... let me get even more personal. 

This summer ( really beginning very slowly the beginning of the year)  I have worked high and low to make a 180 away from the person that I used to be. And I have made compromises. I have sold myself short time and time again. But, I went away. I came face to face with my convictions and have taken BABY steps- praise the LORD there are at least steps- away from a life full of selfish desires. I have prayed and prayed and prayed for the strength and the courage to take a BOLD stand for what I believe in. 
I have prayed even more for God to give me the wisdom to be able to present myself humbly towards people as am example of God's incredible grace and love. For my heart to be forgiven and strengthened so that I can truly forgive people who have hurt me. I have asked God day in and day out to make my life a living testimony; to make me an encouragement, not a stumbling stone... for the courage to truly be an open book and not afraid of the persecution that may come along with standing up for my faith. For me to be unwilling to compromise (Though none go with me, I still will follow. No turning back, no turning back). 

Yeah, I've gotten pretty distracted. I forgot how to be still. I quit paying attention to a God who demands attention. There have absolutely been times that I have thought those prayers and turned right around and screwed up. There have been times when my prayers have been nothing greater than a few empty words. But, light always rules over darkness. While half of my prayers were said in a voice so incredibly distant from God, he heard every single one of them.

And he listened. I know, because I almost forgot about "no turning back." Let't make this clear: no=no. No=none at all. no-no=yes. yes=compromise. okay so that last part may be a little extra ya heard but I think I made my point clear. Capiche? God didn't say it was okay for me to compromise whenever I felt it was convenient for me. He said no compromise. What if your car maker decided it would be okay to compromise in the building of your brand new car... and only put half an engine in. Houston, we would have a problem. Things that are only halfway done are generally not done right.
 Anyway... I was confronted with a situation this summer. One in which I did make my intentions clear. I stood my ground once, so the battle had to have been done, right? Everybody understood and would never pressure me, correct? Wrong. False. Nope. And remember when I said that Satan makes even ugly pictures seem beautiful, so that they may cause us to fall? Well, let me tell you what, this situation was gorgeous. Every bit of it. Win win situation. Except, that particular situation, God told me to lay it down. I laid it down, but I didn't leave it alone. I danced around it, and continually poured gasoline way too close to an already lit fire, so to speak. But God, I'm still standing my ground, this has to be okay. He reminded me that he didn't only tell me to lay down my desires, but he also told me to turn from them. I knew that, but I kept standing there. Then, somebody literally told me they could no longer maintain a relationship with me unless I was willing to compromise. That what I felt like my lines were, were a little too much, and that regardless of the way God had worked and is working in my life, that those lines were too much for them. And my heart was broken. Why? Because it had to be broken. Why? Because God's desire is for me  to be sensitive to what breaks his heart. I can not love both sin and God.  I can not be both a slave to the world and a servant of The King.

Talk about a crazy lesson on compromise. I am learning to be okay with things like this happening. I can see that it is God's way of protecting my heart. Nobody deserves an explanation... if somebody continues to insist on your compromising in any area of your life that you have turned away from, let them walk out of your life as smoothly as they walked in. Please, please don't let their words hurt you. Who is the source of your worth, of your strength, of your future? Who genuinely cares for your wellbeing and even knows the exact number of hairs on your head? Please, do not compromise. You are worth so much more.  

I am so thankful that even when I forget to be still, that God doesn't forget about me. He reminds me of my prayer, and he gives me strength when it would be easier and more fun to be weak. He comforts me when I am hurt, and freely gives me grace even when I break his heart. Help me, God, to stay motivated  to search for and live to my fullest potential on this adventure of freedom. It't too easy to get caught up day to day, and to dream of the finish line, but avoid the race because it may seem overwhelming. Help me to not be a person that avoids situations, but instead handles them with your full control and guidance. Help me to not lose sight. 



Proverbs 3:21-24 " My child, don't lose sight of good planning and insight. Hang on to them,  for they fill you with life and bring you honor and respect. They keep you safe on your way and keep your feet from stumbling.  You can lie down without fear and enjoy pleasant dreams."

Psalms 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world."

1 John 4:10 “In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us.”

Galatians 5:25 "But if we live in the spirit, let us also walk in the spirit." 

Psalm 63:3  "Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how i praise you."

James 4:10 "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up."

Romans 12:12  "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer."

Galatians 6:9 "Let us not grow weary of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up."

James 5:7-8  "Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near."

Hebrews 10:26  "For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins"

Matthew 6:24 " No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."

2 Timothy 2:4 "No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him."

Hebrews 12:1-4 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up.  After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin."

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."


I wrote this tonight with zero goals in mind, other than trying to check something off a to- do list. If you have read this far, 1. you may be loony tunes if you succeeded in following my thought trails haha and 2. thank you. I was not expecting to have any type of revelation whatsoever but through thinking everything out and writing tonight,  I see positive changes I can make and have made this far. I was reminded tonight how to be still,  and encouraged that while staying true to myself and my faith may not be easy or what the world considers fun, that it is pleasing to God...and THAT is ALL that matters. I came off a bit on the Debbie Downer side in the early part of this post. Honestly, that is because Debbie Downer was the way I was feeling. I wasn't feeling thankful. Even though it's kind of embarrassing to reflect on and read, that's what I was feeling so that's how I wrote. I am so glad I did, because reading the way my tone changes from beginning to end just confirms the way that being alone in the presence of God for just a little while can make my heart be filled with joy. 

       Thank you, God, for breathing new life into things. 

You are more loved than you will ever know; and you are never, ever alone. Everybody has bad days every now and then. Everybody screws up and is guilty of being a hypocrite. It is never too late to get your heart right. Trust me, the freedom you gain is so much greater than anything else there is to lose.

                                   I love you all, so dearly. So much peace. Emily.