The 3 F's

2 Corinthians 2:9-10  "My grace is all you need, my power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weakness so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong."  

I'm sitting outside, talking to God and writing this. There is no other place I feel more intensely close to my God of creation and grace.  I wish I could, for a minute, bring all of you to my front porch. It's cool- well, cold to me hah, Mississippi summers don't play so this 65 degree Tennessee July is confusing me- the wind is blowing, the trees are all blooming pretty flowers, and the birds are singing. The earths music is my favorite music.  This is peace. 

I think right now I'm so focused on where I find my perfect peace, because today I woke up and life was really LOUD. I have come to realize that the struggle bus is going to be waiting outside every single day; however, it is my choice if I am going to let it take me for a ride or not. Today, I am choosing joy. This life is far to great, and really too long, to spend unhappy. I am not ABOUT to wake up every day being pissy when I could live to be 112 for all I know...being a brat every day would be no fun at all. 

I know that it makes a lot of sense to be mad about everything that everybody does to you, or says about you. And it is really easy to write off the people that hurt you and then never have to deal with them again. I know it would be socially acceptable to call out the person that hurt you and publicly humiliate them- whether it be through a facebook post or a tweet...indirectly or subtweet..whatever. Unfortunately we live in a day and age where anything goes, making it all to easy to hurt people back. 

What about restoring relationships? Whatever happened to forgiving people anyway? 

You know, we do some pretty awful stuff and say some pretty terrible things, but God always always always forgives us anyway. How do we restore what has been broken? How do we put peace back into the loud, loud world when it would be easier to hold on to anger? My high school Bible teacher told me to remember the 3 F's. Face it, Forgive it, and Forget about it. And then you will find peace. 

Matthew 18:15 says this " If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense...." 

SO there is that. Don't put someone on  blast for hurting you. Don't make it your job to personally hurt them, for hurting you. Because that ladies and gentlemen creates a cycle of repeating the same act and having no change in outcome over and over again- aka insanity. Yeah, it sucks, but if you are hurt by someone, take it to the cross, and then take it to them. Work it out with God, then work it out between each other. 

But then what? What do we do then?? What do we do when things don't get worked out? What do you do when you tried to be the bigger person but that person kept being a real jerk bag? 

The Bible tells is in Matthew 18:22 to forgive them. And forgive them again. And to forgive them some more. And to still keep forgiving them anyway. That's some tough stuff right there. Because let me tell you what, I do NOT want to forgive that girl that said those things about me. I do NOT want to forgive that boy for breaking my heart. I don't. I don't want to let it go. I don't. But what sense does it make to let a wound fester when it could have been healed long ago? It doesn't make sense. Forgive them. 

A lot of times I think God has got to be certified looney tunes for expecting that of me... and that these people that wrote in the Bible clearly never struggled with my same issues considering how well they are able to tell me to do something.. but once again I make God laugh. Peter had  to ask God what to do.. he said Hey Jesus..hey God. How many times do I have to forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?? ( I have that same thought sometimes, like LORD let me be done forgiving them aleready GEEZ) "No, not seven times," Jesus replied, "but seventy times seven!"

Wow holy moly okay. Never stop forgiving. Don't hold on to that hurt, to the bitterness.

How can we ask God to do something for us, if we aren't even willing to show that same thing to another person? 

Finally, forget about it. 

Philippians 3:13 "No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. "

Ephesians 4:31-32 "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." 

Isaiah 43:25 " I will blot out your sins for my own sake and I will never think of them again." 

Romans 8:1 "So there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." 

Don't let what someone has done to you keep you from moving forward in life. Holding on to anger and continually bringing it up does nothing to bring YOU, or anyone else peace.  Think of the 3 F's as a little road map. Once you have gone through stop one of facing the problem, and step two of forgiving the person who hurt you, you're on the road to forgetting. If you keep bringing up the problem, you need to turn around and forgive that person one more time. or seven more times. And then... 

"LET IT GOOOOO"- frozen

Finding peace in a loud world is hard. If it isn't hard, then I don't think you are human. Do yourself a favor by turning off the drama and giving other people grace.  Don't get on the struggle bus.

I was going to keep on focusing on body image, and self- worth, but honestly, this is so much more relevant to me today. This is what God put on my heart for me to see, for me to learn, and I really hope and pray that at least one person can learn with me.  God is such a great big God of grace and forgiveness and peace. Don't hold on to hurt when freedom and peace are so close. Pray for me this week as I keep learning love and grace, and how to forgive. 

Mirror Mirror (part two)

Y'all. So I got this new job serving. And it is great and all, EXCEPT I get a free meal every day. And my uniform shirt, it is not a size XXL mens Tee like I'm used to wearing. Seriously, I look like I have eaten a horse and need to go on a cleanse and starve myself before I can be seen in a swimsuit. 

Body image. This is something that I can not write about with ease about...  It is really hard to be transparent about issues that I struggle with daily, so bear with me. 

That opening paragraph, about my new job, and eating, and starving and stuff. I didn't just get artsy fartsy and make that up to get your attention. I have said those exact words probably fifteen times this week. First things first, I don't actually think that I look giant from this job, and I am NOT going to starve myself. Y'all know I like my food. I am just so used to being MEAN to myself, to talking down to myself, that it is just natural instinct to continue to do it. A habit. A bad, bad habit. A habit that God has been convicting me of lately. 

I am making it my new habit to wake up in the morning and surrender my image to Him. To wake up in the morning and speak truth over myself. Because I am beautiful. I am a daughter of the king, and he made me perfect in His sight.  I am making it my habit to treat my body ( a temple )  with respect....whether it be by my diet, or the way I talk to myself. I am learning to treat my body the way it deserves to be treated. 

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalms 139:14

"Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself." 1 Corinthians 6:19


So now that I have established the fact that I am going to treat my body with respect, it's fine that I said that stuff.. as long as I don't actually think it and don't actually starve myself, right? 
Wrong. 
Because for one, why would I even say it out loud if I wasn't actually thinking it, or if I wasn't really insecure about it? And for two, because my twelve year old cousin was in the room when I said it. 

Twelve years old. Do you guys remember what it was like to be twelve? Let's take a trip down memory lane for a moment. Awkward hair cuts. Cooties may not be real. Changing bodies. Acne. PUBERTY. Braces and crooked teeth. I have like no pictures of the twelfth year of my life because of the awkwardness of it all. 
Twelve years old.  Watching every move of the older people around me. Idolizing them. Mimicking them...every hairstyle, every fashion trend. Everything that the bigger, older, and more mature girls said and did, I had to say and do too. 

So let's breakdown that paragraph and see what I actually told my cousin through that one really mean thing I said to myself:

"So I got this new job serving. And it is great and all EXCEPT I get a free meal every day." 
I just told her that it's a problem to have free meals. That makes no sense. Last I checked, I should be thankful for free meals. I'm told her that there is something wrong with eating. I told a twelve year old that loves me, and is watching me, and learning from me, a twelve year old whose body is already undergoing enough changes as it is, that I don't think it's cool to eat. I told a twelve year old that the only bad part of my new job is that I get to eat. 

"....I look like I have eaten a horse and need to go on a cleanse and starve myself before I can be seen in a swimsuit." 
I just told a twelve year old that because I ate a meal- not anything crazy or unusual, just a normal meal- that I am ugly. That I'm fat. That I am too fat to be seen in a swimsuit ( I'm not fat or skinny by the way.. According to my Fitness pal I am dead on normal for my height and age.) I just told a twelve year old that the way to look good is to hop on the fad diet train and go on a cleanse... or if she doesn't feel like doing that, that she could always just starve herself. Who needs exercise and a healthy, balanced diet anyway when you can just puke a meal back up every now and then. 

WOW. I have a lot of damage control to do. Twelve years old. 

I can see it all very clearly now.. how badly the words we say to ourselves and the choices of things that we do can directly impact the lives of the people that are around us.  The amount of respect that we give to ourselves sends a message to the people watching us on the level of respect that they should give themselves. I am so broken over this. 

Little eyes are ALWAYS watching you. Maybe not just somebody younger even. You would be surprised how many older people have role models younger than them. It doesn't matter who you are, where you are, or what choices you are making, somebody is always going to be your mirror.

If you don't believe me, how many times have you set down at El Sombrero ( or anywhere) for dinner, and asked the person you're with what they're ordering before you order. That is you modeling your choices off of somebody elses influence. 

What message are you sending to others by the way that you treat yourself? Are we going to raise up a generation of kids that know how to treat their bodies like temples, and can respect the life that God gave them; or are we going to raise up a generation of kids with eating disorders and insecurities galore? A generation of little girls that depend on a mans compliments for worth. A generation of little boys that don't even know what real self respect is, because they have never seen a man model it for them. 

What kinds of habits are we instilling in the people around us? Think about that one for a minute. 

Titus 2 talks a lot about teaching 
" Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander each other or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach each other what is good. 4 These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, 5 to live wisely and be pure [...] 6 In the same way encourage young men to live wisely. 7 And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything that you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. 8 Teach the truth so that your teaching can't be criticized. Then those who oppose us will be ashamed and have nothing bad to say about us. [...] 11 For the grace of God has been revealed, bringing salvation to ALL people. 12 And we are instructed to turn from Godless living and sinful pleasures. We should live in this evil world with wisdom, righteousness, and devotion for God, 13 while we look forward with hope to that wonderful day when the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, will be revealed. 14 He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people, totally committed to doing good deeds. 
15 You must teach these things and encourage the believers to do them. You have the authority to correct them when necessary, so don't let anyone disregard what you say.


I have had this so heavy on my heart for a while now..and to be honest it really does suck to break it down and see how badly I have potentially hurt other people just by the way that I have hurt myself.  Please, please love yourself and realize your worth. Don't you want your daughter to see her worth, your son to see his worth? 

That is the exact same feeling God has for you. 

Thinking about it that way really puts things into perspective for me. I don't want to teach my cousin to hate her body. I don't want to teach her to be ashamed to eat. I don't want to teach her that starvation diets are okay, as long as she thinks in her head she is okay. They are not okay. That is never, ever, ever okay. And now that I know that is not okay for me to teach her that, what would ever make it okay for me to teach myself that? 


We have got to start treating ourselves better.. and holding ourselves to a higher standard. If not for ourselves, we need to do it for the generation that we are raising up. The generation that is so desperate for a change. 

I appreciate all of the feedback I have gotten, and the accountability that this blog gives me. Your encouragement helps me to continue to try my best to walk with strength and integrity down a road where doing the right thing is actually really hard sometimes... I appreciate you all more than I can put into words. 

I am praying for God to rock the lives of my friends, for them- and for all of you reading- to really see in a clear light how important it is to treat yourself in a way that shows other people around you how much you appreciate God's great love and His amazing grace he has given you.  You are so loved, more than you will ever know, by a God that died to know you. Much peach and love.

  

Also... reading back over this. I want to point out how thankful I am to have gone to the highschool that I went to with the administration that it had. The whole reason I even think of the term little eyes is because of a speech my headmaster gave to us on little eyes the first day of every school year. I am so incredibly grateful to him for teaching me that. 

Mirror Mirror ( part one )

Today I read an article about how my thighs aren't supposed to touch and I need to do everything possible to make sure that they don't touch. I also read an article that said I'm ugly if my thighs don't touch and that anybody who weighs under 130 lbs clearly has an eating disorder and/or  is on drugs. Oh, and yesterday I took a quiz online that said because I have tattoos I am destined to be a life of misery. And then I heard this song called 22 by Lily Allen that talks about this almost 30 year old who is so unhappy because all she wants in this life is a boyfriend and she doesn't have a boyfriend so clearly there is not a shot she will ever be happy because society said her life is over and blah blah blah. Basically she is getting her worth from what society says about her. And it says her life is over, so she's miserable. 

If that isn't seriously the dumbest thing... 

So now that I might have your attention before you decide that you're actually too sleepy to be reading this, let's evaluate:

How mad would it make you if you had a precious daughter, and somebody told her all of that? Your precious daughter, that was created especially for you. Your precious daughter that you see as flawless. Imagine somebody told your precious daughter that she was too thin. Too fat. Destined to be lonely. How badly would you want to punch whoever told her that. Wouldn't you want to shake her, and to pick her up, and look in her little precious face and tell her how everything that the world is saying is not true, that those are all lies, and tell her how much she is worth? 

Pause. 

Now. Think about these things for a second:

" See what great love the Father has given us, so that we should be 

called children of God, and so we are." 1 John 3:1

God calls me his daughter. Not just in the future, but now. I am his daughter. 

" For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10

The Bible straight up says that I am God's creation. So He loved me, He created me, and He calls me His daughter. 

" So God created Human Beings in His own image. In the image of God he created them.; male and female He created them." Genesis 1:27

Not only did God just create me, he created me in HIS very own image. He thinks I am marvelous! 

God is my father. He created me in HIS image, and I am precious to Him. 

Every day I am bombarded with the world telling me new standards of beauty and what it is to be beautiful. Every day I have the choice to buy into the lies of the world. 

Every day I have the choice to say " You know what God, sorry. You didn't quite cut it when you were making my thighs. I am not good enough. You didn't do a good job, sorry." 

OR 

I can choose everyday to buy into the freedom that tells me plain as day that I am a  marvelous creation, created by the One true King. That I am created in the image of Christ. That I am  fearfully and wonderfully made. 

Where am I going to find my worth today? What am I going to choose?

Trust me, I know how hard it is to take the mask off and be real with yourself and with God for a minute... but really think about that. 

I have the choice to tell God he didn't do quite a good enough job, or to praise Him for all of the things that make me unique. 

Imagine if your perfect precious child came home and told you you sucked because you did a bad job making her because her eyes are too big, or her feet look weird. 

That would not be cool. 

Think about what message you're sending God by the way that you treat yourself. 

I'm really super tired and it is really super hard to organize my thoughts when I am this super tired. And it is really not super cool to try to decipher unorganized thoughts....SO I am going to pick back up here this weekend. This topic is so so important to me, mainly because it really hits home. Self- worth issues were always a really huge struggle in my personal life and I want to use mine to help other people overcome their own. Today I was thinking about how we are created in His image and what message are we sending to God by the way we respect ourselves.  Tomorrow I want to lead more into something I like to think of as little eyes.. and what message we are sending about self respect to the little eyes around us. 

Much love and peace to you all.. even if I have no idea who you are. You are worth more than you will ever know, and loved more than you will ever know by a God who died to know you. 

 I have to go to sleep immediately. 

My First Post

If you're reading this I should warn you: 1. That's pretty cool. 2. I have had a pretty normal life. I just wish somebody had been open with me in my younger years about their life so I'm trying to be that person for anybody that needs it now. So prepare yourself to hear about my normal life. hah. and 3. I'm more ADD than the normal brain can handle. There, you're warned. I chose the website name as unfairly free, because nothing else describes my life any more accurately. Why is that? Well let me explain. 

I am a sinner.

I was born that way. Dirty, lying, manipulative, eager to follow the path of the world. That's me. The fair and right thing  for someone fitting that description is punishment, right? Thieves and murderers should be in jail, right? Liars should be put on blast, right? By every odd and statistic ever created, I should not be free. I should be dead. I SHOULD be condemned to an unhappy life, reaping the consequences of every bad decision I have ever made. 

And then this Jesus man came along. 

***This is the point where a lot of people would stop reading. Another story about amazing grace and let's be honest... who really wants to hear the same " dramatic lost but now I'm found boy who cried wolf but then never really changed anything actually if you really know them" story for the thousandth time? And frankly, I don't blame you for not wanting to keep reading... to not want to keep following my adventure. But, as selfish as this may be, please (I'm begging here) keep reading. Keep following me. Keep me accountable.**

Anyway, this Jesus man came along. And I'm not here to preach right now at this moment (can't promise that I won't later), so I'm not going to... but Jesus came along and said something kind of like "Hey girl, what do you think you're doing? You look a little lost. Come follow me and let me help you. I'm trying to give you freedom, please take it." And you wanna know what I said? Wanna know my reaction? I ran. I ran from freedom. I said nahhhh. I've got this God. I am in control. Yeah, I made a few mistakes, thanks for checking up on me and for the forgiveness and all, but I've got this. 

Pretty stupid, huh? Yeah I know. And let me tell you what, I am not proud of that choice. My ability to be in control and to handle everything blew up in my face. I ran straight into darkness. The darkness was so dark, lonely, and hurtful. And loud. Every negative thought was put on blast not only in my head, but also in the words that were coming from the people I was surrounding myself by and from the music that I was listening to. And so what did I do? I ran again. 

This time, when I ran, I had every intention of running straight into more darkness. Just this time, it was the kind of darkness that disguises itself as light. The kind where you catch just enough of a buzz, enough of a high, just enough to make life smell like roses for a few hours until you fell asleep..Only when you wake up, you are actually emptier and more lost than ever.  

But something in my planning went wrong. Every "friend" I was supposed to be with, backed out. So I went for my backup plan, but then I spent too much time getting dressed and missed that boat too. So instead, I got in my car to drive and try to turn life off. I was angry. I was hurt. I was desperate for anything. I was alone. I turned my brain and feelings off and put myself on zombie auto pilot. And  [PLOT TWIST]  I drove straight to the church parking lot. What?  I sat in that car and watched the sun set behind the steeple,  and I cried out every hurt  that I had to a God that had never felt more far away.

GOD WHERE ARE YOU??

WHY AREN'T YOU LISTENING?

DO YOU NOT HEAR ME GOD? 

I DON'T DESERVE THISSSSSSSS.

Bam. Instantly I stopped crying. Things got really awkward with me and a suddenly very present God. A song had come on the radio talking about the scandal of grace. It told the story of how scandalous it is that we are allowed freedom and given grace, when the world says what we deserve is condemnation. WOW.  Okay, God, I hear you now. What was I talking about, that I don't deserve this? What was I thinking?? I didn't deserve to suffer the heartache that I brought upon myself? I didn't deserve to have to be in trouble for all of the bad choices that I had knowingly made? Uh hello, Emily,WAKE UP. Of course I deserved that!! What I actually did not and still do not deserve is this sweet, sweet freedom that I have. That is what's not fair. This Jesus guy came along and picked up everything I couldn't carry, made my path straight, AND he died so that me, every bit of the sinner that I am, could be made free. I hear you, God, loud and clear. I am unfairly free. I'll take that. I'm so sorry, God, I'm so sorry. I realized in that moment that God had never gone anyway, but instead it was me that kept running. I kept running from the one thing that could make me clean, that could save me. I kept running from the freedom that it is to have a personal relationship with Jesus, with God. 

This is my story of how I have learned, and am still learning, to run home to God. 

This is the story of life, as told by a  prodigal daughter. 

Tomorrow, or maybe tonight, I'm going to post again. Lately, there have been so many things going around the internet about image, and what it is to be beautiful. So that's probably going to be what post numero dos is going to be about. With all of that being said I have to go to work now and smile at a lot of people.

Oh..one last thing....  as uninteresting as I may be, there is more to my story. Where I have been, where I am now, where I am going. Everything that you just read above is a very VERY paraphrased background of who I am. I just wanted to put it out there from day 1 that I am a sinner that has been made new only because of the great love that God has for me. I think there are a lot of preachers out there, and not enough people willing to admit all the ways that they have really just screwed up in life and that they are actually not in control.  I want to be the second. Well not only do I want to be, but I am the second. I want people to know how bad it sucks, how much it hurts. I want people to know that I have been there, done that, and wrote the book. I want people to know that they are NOT alone, that there is hope, that there is freedom, and that grace is real.   

Luke 15:11-31 tells the parable of the prodigal son. Basically he went and partied and stuff, and then realized that is not the life that God had for him, and he went home. I put myself in that story and instead of it being about a physical father, I made it about my father that is God.... My favorite part is where it tells about how he was still a long way off but his father saw him coming. His father was filled with love and compassion and he ran to him, and he picked him up and spun him around hugging him, and he kissed him.

God does that same thing to us, he feels that same love and shows that same compassion for us, whenever we decide to turn away from the world and run home to him. That's so cool.

Ephesians 2

"1. Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins. 2. You USED to live in si n, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil- the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. 3. All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and incantations of our sinful nature. By our very nature, we are subject to God's anger, just like everyone else. 4. ** THIS IS GOLDEN** BUT GOD is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, 5 that even though we are dead because of our sins he gave us life when he raised us from the dead. 

That's pretty sweet.