( That's pretty cool to think about... Who am I that THE CREATOR OF THE FREAKING UNIVERSE WOULD CARE TO KNOW MY NAME?)
As I have tried to focus my down time on acknowledging what God has done and is doing in my life, I have had this desperate also dramatic realization: There aren't enough hours in the day! I don't have time. I don't have enough time to do all of the things that I want and need to do.
I have to eliminate some things from my life so that I can fully take advantage of the time that I have been given. Unfortunately, the thing that I have spent too many YEARS pushing to the side has been the one thing that I am created to need so desperately. I put my Bible on a shelf (haven't we all done this? How many people can actually get up and locate their Bible, and be back to the computer screen in a minute? When was the last time you really dove into the Word? How long has it been since you prayed for God to reveal something to you, specific to your life, from his Living Word?) I haven't spent too much time alone and worshipping God, because, well, because I am human. I make excuses so that I can spend time doing what I want to do. I don't spend nearly as much time focusing on God alone, because I busy myself with a lot of things that actually don't matter. I have always thought the excuse of " well God, you know my heart so you understand why I couldn't focus on you today". I'm not going to bash myself too incredibly hard though, because I have made a solid effort to reconnect with God, I just think that I could do even better.
I know I can.
Here's how:
Take a look at my average day.
(Okay- so I don't wake up at 6 very often (HAH), but I am trying to train my body and did actually do that most days this week.)
6 am. all six of my alarm clocks go off. I grab my phone to silence one of them. Oh, I have my phone now. Are those 4 new messages that I see? I think so. Let me check those. Oh, one is from this person. That reminds me, I think they are in town for the week, let me check Facebook real quick to see. But first, seven people followed me on instagram. Did I make the favorites page? Wahooooo.
pause
1 hour later
Ugh I am so tired I guess I'll get up maybe.
1 hour later
8 am- do a quick devotion and make a half assed to do list.
9 am- shower then spend the next 6 hours halfway doing the things on my to do list
4- 10 or 11pm- work
11pm-3 am- lay in bed refreshing every news feed 7 thousand times. think about the next day. think about how tired I am
sleep.
repeat
Am I being good at managing my time? I think NAHHHHT. It doesn't take an idiot to see that. I probably spend three solid hours of my day refreshing news feeds. THREE HOURS. Three hours that I could be spending in reverence of an Almighty God. Three hours that I could be praying and worshipping the One who saved my soul! Three hours that I could be spending searching deeper and deeper into His Word for my identity. Three hours. That is a lot of time.
Jesus, wreck me over this. Seriously, that is sickening. I absolutely DO have time to get done the things that I WANT and need to get done- including spending intimate alone time with the lover of my soul. We make time for the things that we want to make time for; we do the things that we want to do. That is no new news to anyone.
I have decided that the best way for me to reconnect with God, gain a more clear insight into His plan for my life, and to express my love for Him through worship, is through a disconnect. I'm not even going to lie; this is not going to be fun or easy, but it is definitely necessary. A fast.
First things first, let me remind you that I am not a Bible scholar. I don't know all of the answers. I don't really know what a lot of the things in the Bible mean, but I try my hardest to figure it out, and how it all applys to my life.
Second, in researching about fasting, I found this verse:
Matthew 6:16-18 " And when you fast, don't make it obvious, as hypocrites do, for they try to look miserable and disheveled so that people will admire them for their fasting. I tell you the truth, that is the only reward they will ever get. But when you fast, comb your hair and wash your face. Then no one will notice that you are fasting. Except for your Father, who knows what you do in private. And your Father, who sees everything, will reward you."
I was kind of torn over this verse; however, I prayed and prayed, and I feel a real peace in my heart now. The reason I was torn, is because I wanted to post about my decision. I wanted to write this. But this verse kind of made me feel like maybe I shouldn't tell anybody? Thankfully, I had more insight into this verse this morning. In it, Jesus isn't condemning fasting. He is hating hypocrisy. He does not want us to try to impress people with our "holiness." The great thing is, I think that anybody reading this can really know that THAT is NOT my intention whatsoever. I am a sinner. I am filthy. I am not "holier" than ANYONE. He doesn't want me to fast for the selfish desire of praise; but instead for the right reason, to further my relationship with Him.
That is exactly what I am doing. I think it is really cool to read about how fasting has impacted peoples lives, and if God can use this part of my journey to encourage someone else, I am absolutely going to be real about everything.
Fasting.
Merriam Webster dictionary defines fasting as eating no food for a period of time. Urban dictionary says that fasting is a clean way of detoxing the body of unwanted stuff. About.com says that to fast is to abstain from food while focusing on prayer, and that it requires much self- control and discipline.
For the next month- Until September 10,2014- I am going on a social media fast ( y'all thought I was going to say some food LOL FALSE ..fortunately I have learned to be healthy, and food does not consume my time and thoughts the way that social media does. It is actually quite disgusting). I am signing off of Facebook, pinterest, instagram, vine, and twitter for one month. This month, during the time that I would be spending connected to the world, I am going to connect to Him. I'm using the times that I would be trolling and unproductive to instead get lost in worship. I'm learning to surrender to his will and searching for His answers to my life. I'm not going to find his answers by going through my insta feed or facebook feed. I can only find them by searching His word for them, and by being really and truly quiet and still so that I may hear him more. I'm putting aside my "idols" ( idolatry- immoderate attachment or devotion to something) so that I can grow in Christ. It sounds really petty for me to say that this isn't going to be easy, but... this isn't going to be easy.
I'm trying to make putting God first a habit... kind of like drinking water. If every time I wanted a Diet Coke , I chose to drink water instead... eventually I would quit drinking Diet Coke because I would no longer want it. I would begin to want what is healthy for me. Diet Coke would no longer taste good to me. Im praying that after a month of no social media use, that the things of this world would appear less attractive. That I will begin to see things for the naked truth- the way that God sees them. Instead of getting lost in looking at all of the facades that people put on, I want to learn to see the people I follow for who they are: broken, hurting, sinners. Desperate for a Savior. Instead of looking at where the Kardashians last went on vacation, or planning my wedding on pinterest, I want to spend that time praying to God about where it is that He wants me to serve him. For him to show me exactly how it is that He wants me to serve Him. I want to be in prayer for my future...for my future family and my future husband. I want to make myself available to God so that He can work in me in a way that makes me learn to appreciate heartbreak - because I know that it is His way of protecting my heart for Him, and for my husband. I want Him to help me to see more clearly what He has planned for me, and for me to be willing to do whatever it may take to put that plan into action. I want to allow Him to be so present in my life, that compromise is no longer a hard choice. I want a lot of things.... and the only way to find them is by knowing Him more.
SO here I am Lord... disconnecting.
Please be in prayer for me as I disconnect for a little bit and continue to learn to make good use of my time. Placing my relationship with God first in my life is not an option. It is a priority. Being still is not asked, it is demanded. Pray that I can learn to use every hour of the day (there are enough, by the way) to honor God.
While I am doing this, I am also praying for you. For my generation, and our parents. For our children. For all of the people of this world. I really believe that my generation is THE generation that can make a difference. We hear the quiet voice. We have seen God's hand all over the world through all of the crazy, crazy things that have been happening. We know the truth... it is up to US to be fishers of men. It is up to us to go into the world, saving our brothers and sisters. It us up to us to allow ourselves to be used. To be soldiers in an army that is battling in an intense war against what the world wants us to believe. We can be the change, if we are willing. We can abandon our hearts, for His heart.
Please know how loved you are. There is a God out there who is dying for you to be passionate about Him.
You have an intense purpose. You are so loved.
Thanks for reading my thoughts and following my journey. It still trips me out that there are people out there that find meaning in what I say. I hope that y'all can see God's promise spoken in every single word. Since I'm disconnecting from twitter, facebook, and insta for the month, I won't be able to share every time I make a new post.... SO I am trusting in God here that if he wants to use me, that he is going to. Theres a share button at the bottom of every post so you can share this to your feed if your little heart so desires..also on the side of this page under the about me and post archives, theres a box where you can subscribe to my posts via email. So every time I post , that post goes to your inbox. I never see your email address I don't think.. it's just one of those thing that the internet just magically does for itself haha. I don't question technology..whoops I probably should.
You are so loved.
So much Peace. Emily
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